I do not look good in leggings

I really wanted to be a veggie pirate for Purim but the people at the costume shop had no idea what I was asking for. So I used a red bandana, eye patch and over-sized clown tie. My Rabbi and his wife dressed up as priest and nun. Teenagers tried their hardest to teach me ancient Hassidic dance steps while a loud klezmer band cranked out zeppelin tunes. It was only a few months ago these guys were showing me the correct way to swing a chicken over my head.

The absurd is an integral component to Judaism. The world can be understood no other way. The spiritual realm operates the same.

Judaism is a universalist religion. There is no eternal hell awaiting for 'others.' The world to come is understood as a time when everything/all souls will be as they were meant to be.

Within Judaism I occupy a unique position. I am a Noahide. I am not a Jew. The Jews have a rather long and involved list of religious obligations. The Noahide is in many ways the opposite of the Jew. We have a very minimalist set of moral guidelines. Beyond these seven rules we are prohibited from taking on anything as a religion.

Most religions tend to have one thing in common. They claim not to be a religion. Religion is what the other people do. The reason I know that I am in the right place is this; The same guys who spend a couple of hours a day wearing boxes on their foreheads explain that it is not necessary for me to do such things. They say that that I do not need to follow their religious activities. That sets them apart form the other faiths I am aware of.

The fact that I exist proves the Jew is real. The fact the Jew exists proves that I am real.

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything were misunderstood. There is nothing wrong with doing nothing. Rather than being an inhibition to be overcome, it is the greatest challenge to be. It is my religious creed. It is who I am.